“This is the most important book on sexuality you will ever read.” John Eldredge
New York Times bestselling author of Wild at Heart
“This book is what the church needs.” Sheila Wray Gregoire
Author of The Great Sex Rescue
Your Sexuality is Worth a Better Conversation
Available June 11
Pre-Order Today + claim your free bonuses
The Sex Talk You Never Got
Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality
Men today are starved for sexual formation. They’ve been failed by parents, churches, and culture alike, leading to widespread shame, confusion, and brokenness in the area of sexuality. In The Sex Talk You Never Got, therapist Sam Jolman helps men reconnect their God-given sexuality with innocence, awe, and joy, and shows readers how to celebrate–instead of struggle against–the gift of sexual desire.
Play Video
Pre-Order Today + Claim Your Free Bonuses
Buying for a group? Save up to 45% when you purchase through ChurchSource
Pre-Order Bonuses
Pre-Order The Sex Talk You Never Got for exclusive access to these bonuses
Book Club with Sam Jolman
6 week online book club hosted by Sam Jolman, including live Q&A. Begins the second week of June!
Exclusive E-Book
How to Give a Sex Talk
Buy One Get One
Claim a bonus copy for a friend
Step 1
Pre-Order The Sex Talk You Never Got from your favorite retailer
Step 2
Return to this page and complete the ‘Claim My Bonuses’ form
Bonus Offers & Book Club
Complete the form below to redeem your pre-order bonuses
“*” indicates required fields
In our sex-obsessed world, it might seem ironic that men need more talk about sex. But in reality sexuality is one of the most neglected aspects of men’s lives. Few of us got a sex talk that was anything close to adequate-maybe a basic anatomy lesson or purity lecture, if we got anything at all. Culture tells men that anything goes. And the church’s focus on purity, though well-intentioned, has often led men to a place of shame. The result is that many men experience sexual desire as an area of struggle, brokenness, and confusion.
It doesn’t need to be this way. In this biblically based, practical book, Sam Jolman-a licensed therapist who specializes in men’s issues and sexual trauma recovery-shows men the way out of the wilds of sexual struggle. This timely and incisive book helps men:
- regain a vigorous and vibrant sexuality within the context of God’s design,
- understand how purity culture has needlessly put men in a conflict-ridden relationship with their sexuality
- engage their own stories of sexual formation to discover and heal what has brought harm
- confront porn use and lust through the lens of God’s kindness and find the true path to freedom
- learn about the vital link between sexual desire and our identity as worshipers
- trade shame and confusion for a sexuality of innocence and wonder
Whether you are married or single, The Sex Talk You Never Got will help you discover the joy of your God-given sexuality, and invites you to celebrate-rather than struggle against-the gift of sexual desire.
Download Free Chapter
Subscribe to Sam’s Substack below to receive a free chapter from The Sex Talk You Never Got
Praise
“I didn’t realize how healing a book like this would be until I read it. This book brought me to tears–in a good way. This book is what the church needs. Thank you Sam!”
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Author of The Great Sex Rescue 
“At last. A kind, wise, and poetic guide to the complex and beautiful issue of our sexuality, and a path toward the wholeness every man longs for. I’m serious-this is the most important book on sexuality you will ever read.”
John Eldredge
New York Times bestselling author of Wild at Heart 
“Seldom am I stunned and moved to awe (and tears!) merely by reading a book. But Sam’s words took my breath away, not just once, but over and again. This is an exquisitely written and desperately needed book.”
Chuck Degroat, Ph.D.
Professor of Pastoral Care and Christian Spirituality and author of When Narcissism Comes to Church 
“Sam brilliantly weaves the core realities of the human condition: desire, beauty, shame, trauma, and redemption into a perspective that will bring grief for what you missed and glory for who you are and who you could become. As much as this is a phenomenal book on men’s sexuality, it is a way of thinking and being as to what it means to be truly human.”
Dan B. Allender, Ph.D.
Professor of Counseling Psychology and Founding President The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology 
“Sam Jolman is tender with the topic and nuanced in his care, envisioning a better story of sexuality for those who dare to believe in its possibility. A book written for men that encouraged and challenged the heart of this woman as well.”
Lore Ferguson Wilbert
Author of The Understory, A Curious Faith, and Handle With Care 
“In the Christian community, male sexuality is often viewed as something out-of-control, if not dangerous. Consequently, men are asked to manage or suppress their sexual desire, denuding themselves of the beauty and passion inherent in sex. The Sex Talk You Never Got offers a way out that encourages men to grapple with the complexities of their story and become an integrated and awe-filled lover. Sam Jolman anchors us in wise counsel, soul honesty, and invites us to a striking and holistic vision of male sexuality that we need now more than ever. Sam has written a beautiful book and one I hope is read widely.”
Jay Stringer
Psychotherapist and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing
option 2:
Praise
“I didn’t realize how healing a book like this would be until I read it. This book brought me to tears–in a good way. This book is what the church needs. Thank you Sam!”
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Author of The Great Sex Rescue
“At last. A kind, wise, and poetic guide to the complex and beautiful issue of our sexuality, and a path toward the wholeness every man longs for. I’m serious-this is the most important book on sexuality you will ever read.”
John Eldredge
New York Times bestselling author of Wild at Heart
“Seldom am I stunned and moved to awe (and tears!) merely by reading a book. But Sam’s words took my breath away, not just once, but over and again. This is an exquisitely written and desperately needed book.”
Chuck Degroat, Ph.D.
Professor of Pastoral Care and Christian Spirituality and author of When Narcissism Comes to Church
“Sam brilliantly weaves the core realities of the human condition: desire, beauty, shame, trauma, and redemption into a perspective that will bring grief for what you missed and glory for who you are and who you could become. As much as this is a phenomenal book on men’s sexuality, it is a way of thinking and being as to what it means to be truly human.”
Dan B. Allender, Ph.D.
Professor of Counseling Psychology and Founding President The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology
“Sam Jolman is tender with the topic and nuanced in his care, envisioning a better story of sexuality for those who dare to believe in its possibility. A book written for men that encouraged and challenged the heart of this woman as well.”
Lore Ferguson Wilbert
Author of The Understory, A Curious Faith, and Handle With Care
“In the Christian community, male sexuality is often viewed as something out-of-control, if not dangerous. Consequently, men are asked to manage or suppress their sexual desire, denuding themselves of the beauty and passion inherent in sex. The Sex Talk You Never Got offers a way out that encourages men to grapple with the complexities of their story and become an integrated and awe-filled lover. Sam Jolman anchors us in wise counsel, soul honesty, and invites us to a striking and holistic vision of male sexuality that we need now more than ever. Sam has written a beautiful book and one I hope is read widely.”
Jay Stringer
Psychotherapist and author of Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing
Meet the author
Sam Jolman
Sam Jolman (MA LPC) is a trauma therapist with over twenty years of experience specializing in men’s issues and sexual trauma recovery. He seeks to help men and women heal, and know their stories, and find greater sexual wholeness and aliveness. He received his master’s in counseling from Reformed Theological Seminary and was further trained in Narrative Focused Trauma Care through the Allender Center at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology.Sam lives in Colorado with his wife and three sons. Together they enjoy exploring the best camping spots in Colorado in a pop-up camper. Sam goes to therapy, loves fly fishing, and can often be found trying to catch his breath on the floor of his local CrossFit gym.
